This month I’ve been focusing on “Presence”, not “Presents” for the holiday season. Most everyone agrees that giving a gift of experience and relationship is much more valuable and appreciated than a gift of “stuff.” The world we live in is bulging with “stuff” that people think they want or need, only to realize after they get it, that the “stuff” weighs them down physically, emotionally, and energetically. (As a Feng Shui consultant, decluttering is typically at the top of my “to do” lists for new clients.) While most of us readily agree that a holiday season filled with the gifts of time, experience, and relationship-building (the components of true presence) would be ideal, but so many find it difficult to manifest due to distraction.
Our society is filled with distraction and seems to be obsessed with it. Our focus seems to be on staying “busy” constantly and we’re addicted to our electronics. People get together for meals, walks, vacations, family dinners – and most everyone has their smartphone along with them. And, the phones aren’t just “with them” - they are in their hands, turned on, and being used.  I went out to see a performer last weekend and the stage hands were literally sitting on the side of the stage glued to their phones and ignoring the performer!
When I go out to dinner with friends, I’m amazed and saddened to see people staring at their phones, texting, or posting on social media during their meal instead of talking with their friends, family, or partner. Gone are the days when you’d walk into a restaurant that was buzzing with conversation and the clinking of dishes.  Now, when you walk into a restaurant, you hear the servers speaking to each other and to the guests, the sounds of dishes being moved around, perhaps a few soft conversations (if you’re lucky), and the buzzing, clicking, and dinging of smartphones and tablets. We seem to be losing the ability to hold a spoken conversation that lasts for more than a minute or two because we rely on texts, email, and social media posts.
Smartphone addiction is very real, and people are unable to “unplug.”  Is it fear of missing something? Is the addiction so strong that they just don’t know HOW to unplug anymore? Many people have given up having landline phones because they’re seen as unnecessary when you have a cell phone which can be taken with you everywhere. But, do you remember letting your house phone ring and  the call go to voicemail because you didn’t want to be interrupted during dinner or family movie night? How many times do you let a text or a call on your cell phone sit unanswered until you’re finished with dinner, a movie, an in-person conversation, or even until the next morning? When did all communication become so urgent that it must be handled and addressed immediately?
I’m certainly not suggesting that we go back to rotary phones and desktop computers. The advances in technology have been amazing and wonderful in so many ways. What I am suggesting is that we set boundaries for ourselves. Boundaries that protect our “down time” and time with family and friends. If we don’t set those boundaries and enforce them, who will? This is the first step in offering gifts of PRESENCE to those we love this holiday season.
What am I suggesting? Start turning your cell phones off and putting them in a basket (or bag) out of sight during dinner time at home or at a restaurant. Set limits on how many times you’ll check your email and social media each day and how long you’ll spend on work-related email at home. If you tend to check your phone and read articles when you’re running errands and have to wait, take a book or magazine along instead and read that. Stop yourself when you start to check your phone for the umpteenth time while you’re out with friends. In fact, consider an app like Checky or Moment. Moment keeps track of how much time you spend on your phone and allows you to set alerts reminding you of goals you set to decrease your screen time. Checky keeps track of how many times you check your phone (not length of time spent on the phone) and tracks where you are when you check it. Each of these can be a wonderful tool in helping us use our smartphones appropriately and be mindful of how our time is spent.
How can you begin to make these changes and turn them into PRESENCE for the holidays? Perhaps as a present you can purchase a movie or live show tickets for you and your family or partner, and note in the gift card that you want it to be an outing without electronic distraction and that you’d like everyone to leave their phones at home during the outing. Share some special family recipes in a nice book and include some photos of loved ones cooking and set a time to try those recipes with family members in a “no-electronics” zone. Share the gift of volunteering to help those less fortunate with a loved one by inviting them to join you while you volunteer and then spend time afterwards discussing the experience over coffee or a meal. When you’re choosing and giving presents of time, experience and relationship (whatever they are) this holiday season, include a note with the gift that  you want the time with them to be special and distraction-free, so you’ll be turning your phone off or leaving it at home or in the car during your time together. You can’t force others to join you, but you can set the example.
Smartphone addiction is very real and isn’t something that will be kicked overnight. It takes awareness and small steps everyday. If we begin to monitor our electronics use and set boundaries for mindful use, we’ll loosen the ties our phones, tablets, and computers have on us, and I think we’ll be pleasantly surprised to find that it’s easier to relax and to spend time, time being truly present, with those we love.
Namaste,
Carol

Many people are thinking about presents at this time of the year....what they want, what they want to get for others, who they feel obligated to buy for, etc. Commercialization of the season, a naturally quiet and introspective time of year, runs rampant and turns a “still season” into something frenetic and chaotic.

When you think about the holidays do you think of “presents” as in STUFF or “presence” as in EXPERIENCE and RELATIONSHIP?
Thinking back to past holidays, what have been the most valuable presents? The cozy robe and slippers are surely appreciated, video games and electronics illicit shouts of excitement, and jewelry bring gasps of surprise and tears of joy; but what have been the most truly valuable presents in your life? Almost always they are the gifts of time, experience, and relationship.
Presents are typically forgotten over time, but sharing experiences and being truly present with those we love are times rarely forgotten. For many people, the exchange of presents is a part of the holiday traditions in families and with friends. There’s something comforting about honoring traditions and perhaps traditions even make it easier on those who organize and host holiday events. An aunt brings her famous pie; a cousin brings his special homemade pickles; a sibling brings the board games...perhaps everyone draws a name from a hat so that each person only has one gift to buy, but everyone gets to open a present. Each family and culture has its own traditions and people follow them year after year, generation after generation.
I’ve long been a bit of a maverick when it comes to tradition. I truly enjoy trying out things new and different because I love new experiences, people, cultures and visiting countries new to me.
  I’m the member of the family that never learned to cook a turkey, but I don’t let that hold me back. My father went on an annual trek to the mountains on Thanksgiving, so as an adult, I enjoyed taking my Mom out for holiday brunches. We always managed to find a wonderful buffet that usually had a cottage-style gift shop, and that was a part of our shared holiday experience. Many of my friends are of the Jewish faith and don’t celebrate Christmas; I enjoy seeing the latest movies with them on Christmas Day. I was married to a Jewish man, so for a number of years, we celebrated both Hanukah and Christmas with a cross cultural feast and our blended family.
Another tradition for many is putting up a Christmas tree. If we choose to have a tree and look at this tradition with a Feng Shui perspective, we can carefully consider what area of the bagua to place it.  This year, my nontraditional recycled wrought iron ‘tree’ with South American gourd ornaments, will be located in the FAME area, where lights are welcomed as they represent the FIRE element. A more traditional green Christmas tree would be right at home in the FAMILY area where the element is WOOD and the color is green.  If you are concerned about spending too much money over the holidays, consider putting it in the WEALTH area, where WOOD (green) nourishes and RED stabilizes.  
Perhaps the Christmas tree tradition can be used to add more mindfulness to the holiday and also focus more on the shared experience. Any time we can make choices that support the environment; we’re doing a good thing for ourselves and society. Why not consider getting a tree from a sustainable tree farm that plants two or three trees for every tree that’s cut? Ask family members to join you in choosing and cutting the tree. Perhaps a potted Norfolk Pine is a better choice for you. You can enjoy it year round and decorate it for other holidays, in addition to Christmas. Maybe something unique like my recycled wrought iron ‘tree” is more your style. Whatever you do, please don’t buy fake trees. There’s no healthy purpose for them. Another way to make the Christmas tree tradition a shared experience instead of a chore is to ask family members and friends to help you put up the tree and make decorations for it, or go through the old ornaments and talk about the memories they bring up. This can turn in to a wonderful event and a new tradition that everyone looks forward to.
The point is to make this season about PRESENCE not PRESENTS. When you think about presents, consider shared experiences and time spent together rather than “stuff.” Everyone likes to have a gift to open during the holidays, but remember it doesn’t have to be big and it doesn’t have to be expensive. Simple gifts like a handwritten letter or an invitation to dinner and a movie; gifts of time like “an afternoon to clean out the attic” can mean the world to people...so much more than another electronic device or shirt they won’t really wear.
What can you do to simplify the holiday season for yourself and your family? Who would you like to spend more time with and how can you be more present for them? How can you honor the family traditions you love and still be mindful? How can you turn the chaotic, frenetic time into a true time of calmness, peace, and joy? I’ve offered a few suggestions today and will offer more each week. Remember as you plan your holiday season to take a deep breath and take care of yourself because inner peace is the most important ‘peace’ of all.

Namaste,
Carol

December, already! How did this happen?! It seems that the pages have flown off the calendar this year. Thanksgiving 2016 is already a memory and we are full swing into the holiday season. Recently I read that there are over 20 holidays (of various religions and cultures) between mid-November and mid-January!
The pace of life generally becomes a bit frenetic, even chaotic, after Thanksgiving as holiday events with friends, family, colleagues, and community take over our calendars. That’s really saying something because even during the “non-holiday” time of year,  our days are filled to the brim with “musts” and “shoulds.” Our calendars are full and our phones and computers chirp, ring, and buzz at us all day and evening, and we’ve trained ourselves to respond like Pavlov’s Dog, afraid that we might miss something important.
When was the last time you really relaxed? When have you enjoyed “unscheduled” time....taken time to sit with a friend for an impromptu catch-up session...read a book for fun...watched your children or grandchildren play or played with them? When was the last time you felt truly present...focusing on the time, space, and people you are in and with, instead of running through the list in your head of what you should do next? I propose that the most important gift you can give yourself, and those you love, is the gift of your PRESENCE, not a stack of presents.
I know, easier said than done. Somehow our society has set expectations so that we feel we must be busy all the time; that we must buy elaborate presents or many presents to show our love; that we must spend more than we have, etc. It won’t be easy to change these expectations in our society, but we can work to change them within our family and community....we can bring peace and calm to the chaos.
The ideal place to start is in our homes. Our homes can be a sanctuary away from the stress, noise, crowds, and expectations of the season. As a Feng Shui consultant, one of the first things I advise my clients to do is to remove clutter and unused/unwanted/unloved items from their homes. Clutter blocks the flow of Chi, or life energy, through a space which can leave people feeling anxious, frustrated, and overwhelmed. Each item in your home has it’s own energy and it sits in your space, affecting you. Decluttering is especially important during the holidays. Do you have an abundance of holiday decorations? Do they bring you joy and remind you of happy, loving times? Or, do you dread pulling them out of storage and only put them up out of a sense of obligation? There is no law that says that every room in our homes must be decorated for the holidays, or that every flat space should be filled with traditional family decorations. Decorate your space in a way that makes you smile when you walk in the room. If that means pulling out all your holiday decorations because you love them, that’s great...just remember to put away the day-to-day decorations, etc. so the space is not over-filled. Remember, if we don’t physically have space in our homes for life energy to flow, we’ll begin to feel stuck and overwhelmed and, there won’t be room for joy and fun when we celebrate the holidays with family and friends.
If you celebrate Christmas, another Feng Shui holiday tip is to stop and consider where you’ll put your Christmas tree. Christmas trees can take up quite a bit of space and we need to consider what is the best spot for them in the bagua of our homes. Before you put your tree up, think about what it means to you? Why do you put it up? How do you decorate it? Perhaps, the tree should be placed in the “family” area of the bagua because, for you, it represents the gathering of your family. Or, if you’ve traveled extensively and have purchased ornaments as a physical remembrance of those travels, perhaps the tree should go in the travel & helpful area of the bagua. Taking a few moments to reflect and consider the meaning and feeling behind these decorations and traditions instead of just doing it the way it’s always been done, can help you bring calm and peace to your holidays. Feng Shui can help you transform your home into a joyful, rejuvenating, and peaceful place during the holidays, and any time of the year.
Another way to bring calm to the chaos of the holidays is to play music that soothes you and helps you focus. This can be particularly helpful when we’re in the car and dealing with traffic. Rush hour traffic can be tough to deal with anytime, but during the holidays it seems that “rush hour” becomes rush HOURS. Because we can’t always find a route that bypasses dense shopping areas and the traffic that surrounds them during this season, it’s helpful to find ways to deal with the frustration created by traffic. One of my favorite CDs is Don Campbell’s Music For the Mozart Effect, Vol. IV Focus and Clarity: Music for Projects and Study https://mozarteffect.labelstore.ca/718795650422-music-for-the-mozart-effect-vol-iv-focus-and-clarity-music-for-projects-and-study-digital-mp3.html .  I also like to play this CD at home while I’m working.
Another favorite is Snatam Kaur’s Grace for Peaceful Calm. This is my “go-to” CD in the morning when I meditate. (Free YouTube: https://youtu.be/wh0IuOXxKnA?list=RDwh0IuOXxKnA – note that the picture gradually appears and then disappears. The point is the music!) I find that anything she sings is peaceful. Do you have some favorite holiday or spiritual music that calms you and brings you peace? It can be any kind of music as long as you love it and it has a peaceful effect on you. I’m always amazed at how music can lift me up, help me de-stress, and bring joy. We can control what we listen to in our homes and cars, why not choose music that helps us get through the holidays in a calm and peaceful way?
Don’t forget to take time out to meditate. Meditation is always important, but can really make the difference between a chaotic holiday season and a calm holiday season. Even just five minutes a day of quiet or guided meditation can help us have a positive and peaceful day. It doesn't matter whether you take your time at the kitchen table, at your desk, in your driveway before you leave for the day, or in a designated meditation space in your home, those few minutes help immensely.
There are many “little” things we can do to help bring calm to the chaos of the season and those “little” things bring big results. It’s so important, especially at this time of the year, to take care of yourself. Meditation as I’ve already mentioned is one way. Taking regular breaks and getting outside for a brief walk in nature can help you “reset” and de-stress. Yoga is a also very beneficial and, if you haven’t tried it before, look for a restorative style class. Practice compassion and mindfulness towards yourself and others. Remember, we don’t know the burdens others might be carrying with them, just as they don’t know ours. We can never go wrong when we choose kindness when dealing with others. Don’t forget to be kind to yourself, too! Respect your limitations and don’t push yourself to do more because you feel obligated. Yes, you’re allowed and encouraged to give yourself a break.
Do you remember a time when the holiday season seemed magical? When you truly looked forward to the time with family and/or friends without the stress and pressure casting a dark cloud over the celebrations? We can create a new holiday reality...a reality that focuses on calm, not chaos.

Namaste,
Carol